Christmas

Major Changes

I realize my posts are becoming less frequent. Part of it is simply the fact that I rarely get a moment to sit quietly and write without distraction. More prevalent is the fact that writing the things that are currently going on with Alma has become quite emotional and depressing for me. While the point of this blog is to inform those interested about how Alma is dealing with the disease, there has been a part of me that has wanted to protect those of you closer to Alma from hearing about how difficult things have become. I realize it is not my place to try and protect friends and family. Therefore, I plan to give a more realistic account of the way things are going.

Sadly, we have come to a place where we have had to realize that I can no longer meet Alma’s needs in our home. It has been agonizing facing the reality that I do not possess the skills for taking care of someone in the later stages of this horrendous disease. It’s ironic to me that I was dreading so many things about bringing Alma into our home and now I feel physically ill at the thought of no longer having her with us.

I suppose I’ve known this day was near after the incident about a month ago where she had the unusual “blood pressure drop” in our bathroom and I simply had no idea how to respond. Since then, Alma has had a rapid decline and now is almost completely incontinent. Currently, I am up several times a night, to help her to the bathroom or to clean up what mess was made when I wasn’t looking.  It’s not that I have a problem helping her with these things. It’s more about my skill level and the fact that I’m physically and emotionally exhausted paired with the toll it has taken on our household.

We do not have a date set but Keith and I agree that there is no reason to delay Alma’s move. Originally, we were planning to try Pheasant Ridge Retirement Community (http://www.pheasantridgeslc.com/ ) through a respite stay after Christmas. However, due to the fact that the decline has happened so rapidly, we have met with the staff and have chosen to move her in as soon as we can get the paperwork completed. We just do not see the point in having her go back and forth to see if it’s a “good fit” when small changes can send things spiraling  very quickly. I would also like the opportunity to transition her in before things get much worse. In other words, I’m guessing that the longer we wait, the more difficult her adjustment period might become.

As I’ve shared our decision with local friends and family, I have had several people remind me that I have not “failed her” and it’s okay to admit when things get to be too much. The staff from Pheasant Ridge reminded me that “it’s okay to ask for help”. I agree with all of these reminders but it is nice to be validated. While I am very sad to see Alma at this stage and I’m heartbroken at the fact that I could no longer meet her needs so she could stay home with her family, I feel very strongly that it is time for her to have good (and alert and hopefully more patient) care around the clock. I can not state enough how much it has meant for me to have Alma live with us. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know and appreciate what a sweet and loving person she is. I believe that we have all benefitted greatly from having her with us.

The next couple of weeks are going to be tough for all of us. I’m not sure how much I will be posting after this. I will probably write about the move and will try to post occasional updates. However, I would like to end on a positive note and add another recipe from Alma’s collection that some of you may want for the Holidays. The following was one of her favorites to prepare for Christmas.

Lemon Squares

2 T lemon juice

1 cup flour

½ cup softened butter

¼ cup powdered sugar

¼ teas salt

2 eggs

1 cup sugar1/2 teas baking powder

2 T flour

Mix together flour, butter, and powdered sugar

Press into bottom of greased 8x8 pan

Bake 20 minutes at 350

Beat remaining ingredients until light and fluffy

Pour over hot crust

Bake for an additional 25 minutes

On behalf of our entire family, I want to say how much it has meant to all of us to have so much love and support from so many people. We truly feel blessed to have such wonderful friends and family. Thank you and have a wonderful holiday.