"Leave my toothbrush alone!!!"

Except for one teeny, tiny incident on Monday, Alma's mood has continued to be pretty good. However, that incident ended up being pretty traumatic for all involved.

The whole thing happened over dental hygiene (of course), an ongoing source of contention these days. I’ll be honest and say that my patience is wearing thin as I approach the end of the school year and the end of my youngest daughter’s middle school career. We have been incredibly busy and I am feeling pulled in about ninety different directions. Therefore, as hard as it is for me to admit, I will say that I was being a bit snippy and short while “helping” Alma with this task. Nonetheless, I was shocked when Alma, who simply did not want to brush her teeth, grabbed my wrist (I was putting toothpaste on her toothbrush) with both hands, twisted and refused to let go. She then proceeded to try to pull me out of the bathroom. She was shaking with anger and her eyes were wide as she yelled at me, telling me to stop telling her what to do. I firmly and loudly told her to let go and she refused until she opened the bathroom door and Keith was standing there. She dropped my arm and pushed past Keith and went to her room where she continued her tantrum for another 20 minutes.

I am not as upset by her outburst as I am by my reaction. I was very angry with her. I did not take this anger out on her. As a matter of fact, I did not resist her when she grabbed my arm out of fear of hurting her. I knew I wasn’t in any danger and she would eventually let go. However, the entire incident shook me up and it took a long time for me to cool off. Even though I know Alma is not inherently a violent person, this is the third incident of violent behavior that I have seen. I am hoping that it will continue to only be directed at me (I’m the only one that challenges her-I have instructed my children not to) but I know it will eventually get worse. I think the thing that upset me the most was when Keith went in to check on her and she told him she felt sorry for him that he has to put up with me (I kind of wish Keith had kept that little nugget to himself). I realize that this is part of dementia and that I shouldn’t “take it personally” but it feels personal sometimes and nothing anyone can say will make that part of it easier.

On a more positive note, her mood passed as quickly as it came and she was back to her dancing, happy self yesterday and today. This morning, on our way into the Adult Care Center she even told me I was “such a sweet person”. I, on the other hand, needed some additional time and took a “sick day” yesterday.  After a day of reading in the sun (I recommend “The 36-Hour Day” listed to the right), I was also much better by today and harmony is temporarily restored.

Something Cute

I only have a minute but really wanted to share something sweet from yesterday. Alma's great mood continues and I am grateful for the break from tears and anger. Sadly, with the good mood comes some additional delusions as it really does appear that she has declined slightly in her cognition. Sometimes these delusions can be quite amusing.

Yesterday, after Wrenna softball game, I was in the kitchen making dinner and Kaiya and Alma were sitting at an island we have. We were chatting casually and out of the blue Alma says, "Oh I can't wait until my hair finally turns white". Kaiya and I looked at each other and I said, "Alma, your hair is already white." She said, "It is?" and seemed to believe me. After contemplating for a few moments she decided to check it out for herself and went in the dining room to look in the mirror. All of the sudden we heard, "Oh my!!! It really is beautiful and white! I am so relieved!" as she started laughing. I have never seen anyone so excited to notice that their hair is completely gray and it was a very sweet moment to witness.

It's been a while...

I know it's been over a week since I have posted anything.  My daughter was on spring break last week and Alma was in respite care again so I could spend some time with Wrenna. I do want to say that I intentionally did not let a lot of people know she was going back. I did this because the last time she was there, the staff stated that she would become very depressed after a visitor. Due to the fact that it was such a short stay, I wanted to see if her not having as many visitors would make a difference. It really did.

I'm not sure where to begin to get things up to date here. I will say this, prior to her second respite stay at Emeritus, Alma was really having a rough time. Upon returning home from Easter spent at my mother's house, Alma had one of the biggest "tantrums" (can’t think of a better descriptive word) that we have experienced so far. It went on for about an hour and ended with her crying herself to sleep. It was the night before we were to take her to Emeritus so you can only imagine my concern about taking her. We did inform the staff upon arrival of her recent behaviors and the director stated that this could be a sign of a possible decline. I would imagine a decline would cause some pretty extreme mood swings in anyone as they would be resisting that change.

When I picked her up this past Monday, her mood was considerably higher. She was happy to see me and our whole week has been fairly uneventful. She even went to Adult Care yesterday with no incident. That being said, she has appeared more "out of it" than she was yet more lucid in other ways. One minute, she can tell us what she was doing five minutes earlier, the next she is having a delusion. For example; she thought she went to the bathroom in the backyard (she did not) and seemed to think this was a perfectly normal thing to do.

I do have a lot more to add to this. I have had a couple of very hectic weeks and have barely had time to complete a thought. Hopefully, after this weekend, things will mellow out again and I can get back on track soon.

Support for Atzheimer's Research

http://www.kintera.org/site/pp.asp?c=mmKXLbP8E&b=6301189

Book List

Just a short post to say I've begun a book list related to the topic of Dementia and care giving. The first book I listed is a novel and I found it very inspiring yet sad. "Still Alice" is about a cognitive psychologist who is dignosed with early onset Altzheimer's and is written from her perspective. Even though it is fiction, I felt like it gave be a window into Alma's mind and I really feel a need for that sometimes. I often find myself forgetting (especially in the beginning) that she has no idea what she is doing when she is being what I percieve as hurtful. I found this book a helpful reminder that her anger is a result of extreme fear of her surroundings as they become less and less familiar. Anyway, I highly recommend this book. More later...

Happy Earth Day!

Officially, Earth Day was yesterday. However, our celebration was today in the Grandin Village. I knew there would be tons of people but it was such a beautiful day, I decided that Alma might like it. If it became stressful, we could leave.

She had a wonderful time. There were several local bands playing and Alma got right up in front of them and danced with little inhibition. I love that she does that as I am fairly sure she has never been one to hang out at music festivals listening to jam bands. Therefore, today we find another positive spin on this horrible disease; it may help one to become uninhibited.

Friends

I would like to acknowledge, once again, how great Alma's friends have been. It occurred to me, when one of her long time friends came over today, how hard it must be for them to see Alma struggling so much. I mention this because as her friend was leaving, Alma and I walked her out and Alma wanted to keep going. It was pretty easy to get her to come back but she made it known that she did not want to. I thought I could get her to come in by asking her to help me find my shoes and she said, "Or, I could just step on them", looking at my bare feet. I could tell her friend was bothered by the whole thing and that's when it occurred to me how frightening it must be to watch someone who you’ve known since you were a young parent going through something like that. It has always been my practice to walk someone to the door and many times outside when they get up to leave. I also always think it’s a nice way for Alma to say goodbye to her friends. I’m thinking that we are going to have to change that and ask people to quietly slide out so we don’t confuse Alma.

It’s a challenge because Alma wants to spend time with her friends. It’s one of those few pleasures that I was talking about yesterday. She is always happy when they are visiting. However, she often becomes weepy afterwards and I understand why. They get to leave and she is stuck somewhere she doesn’t want to be. I do have one more thing to share regarding all of this. After her friend was gone and Alma had a good cry about wanting to be anywhere but here, she looked at me and very clearly stated, “Please don’t take it personally. You have been very good to me and are a nice lady but I just want to be with my family.”  Believe it or not and as silly as it sounds, I was grateful for the validation that she didn’t think I was torturing her (there are many times when I’m sure she feels that way). More importantly, I want to note that Alma was able to look outside of herself long enough to be mindful of hurting my feelings. It is rare that someone in this stage of Alzheimer’s is able to do that and even though I know those moments are fleeting, I find hope there.