Hanging in there...

As stated previously, if the weather is nice, my posts will be brief and few and far between. It's been so beautiful here in Virginia so we are spending most of our time outside. I do have a laptop but the battery needs to be replaced and it doesn't hold a charge for very long.

Mostly, I wanted to share that Alma has continued to be very easy going these last several weeks and that has made our lives here very easy. Sadly, what perpetuates the good mood appears to be the same elements that affect her cognition. In other words, when she is less lucid, she is more agreeable. When she is more cognizant, it seems as if her awareness creates discord within herself. While many people may feel that it is better for Alma to remain lucid, I believe that when she is less so, her inhibitions decrease and she seems happier. The downside is that her need for physical assistance has become greater. However, I would much rather deal with physical demands that an angry and frustrated person. Even when she has a moment of frustration, she is easy to redirect and responds jovially.

Duh...

Still really busy and the fact that the weather is beautiful will mean that there will be less posts here. That being said, Alma continues to do really well and seems to be in a fairly "peaceful place" at the moment. I did want to quickly share one little moment from today.

I have talked about Alma's fascination with tissues. She has folded tissues everywhere and many times the cleans ones get mixed in with the used ones therefore contaminating all of her tissues (I'm a bit of a germ freak). Over the last couple of weeks, she has been storing her tissues in a dresser drawer with her clothes. I kept cleaning it out and telling ehr not to put them in there. She would tell me "I didn't do it. I'm good." over and over again. I'm not sure why this took me so long but today I realized that instead of arguing, I should move the clothes and just let her stick whatever she wants in there (within reason). All I have to say about this epiphany of mine is "DUH!!!". Oh well, maybe one day soon I'll learn to stop trying to make her conform so much.

Time to Re-group

I realize that I really haven’t been keeping up with this blog in the way I had originally intended. The last month and a half has been quite hectic and that has nothing to do with Alma. Before I get into an update on how things are going with her, I would like to take a minute to re-focus. Our focus has shifted slightly as Alma is having a peaceful period and I have been able to attend to areas of my life that have been sorely neglected.

One of these areas would center on my children. To be fair, my oldest is in college and living on her own and is functioning well as a responsible young adult. However, I worry that my fourteen year old daughter has had a more difficult time adjusting to these changes and it makes sense. She is the one that was hoping for some one on one attention from her parents once her sister moved out and most of our attention has been focused on her grandmother.

I bring all of this to attention because of a recent gathering I had at my house where a friend was adamant about pointing out all of the possible negative impact that having a grandparent with Dementia living with us might produce. I found myself getting quite defensive with this person and justifying our decisions with a rant about the sad state of our society and the importance of multi-generational living. I was also caught off guard by this individual’s concerns because I met this person years ago when she was living on a commune in Rockbridge County. I thought if anyone would appreciate opening one’s home, it would be her. Nonetheless, she made excellent points about the impact and strain not only on the caregiver, but on the entire family. Perhaps I am being naïve but I would like to state “so far so good’. In other words, I stand by our decision and while this has been a bit of a balancing act, I feel the benefits outweigh the stressors. I just can’t help but feel that both of our children will benefit greatly from this opportunity.

Oopsy...

Something happened with the website so my last post was erased but I keep all of these posts so I re-posted.

Anyway, things have been better since our difficult incident on Monday. Today Alma went to Adult Care and seemed so happy to go. The staff loves her there and they have done a great job keeping her busy. When I went to pick her up this afternoon, the staff said Alma ate "plates of pizza" on the field trip to Ci Ci's Pizza. She relayed that she had a great time helping all of the "old ladies" with their pizza (I wonder if that means she helps them finish it like my dad used to do when I was little...). On the way home she asked me about my job in social work and told me that she believes that she should become a social worker to work with the elderly. I think that is really sweet. She is quite kind and nurturing to all of those ladies at Adult Care and the Nursing Home. I'm so glad she is finally feeling fulfilled.

"Don't touch my toothbrush!"

Except for one teeny, tiny incident on Monday, Alma's mood has continued to be pretty good. However, that incident ended up being pretty traumatic for all involved.

The whole thing happened over dental hygiene (of course), an ongoing source of contention these days. I’ll be honest and say that my patience is wearing thin as I approach the end of the school year and the end of my youngest daughter’s middle school career. We have been incredibly busy and I am feeling pulled in about ninety different directions. Therefore, as hard as it is for me to admit, I will say that I was being a bit snippy and short while “helping” Alma with this task. Nonetheless, I was shocked when Alma, who simply did not want to brush her teeth, grabbed my wrist (I was putting toothpaste on her toothbrush) with both hands, twisted and refused to let go. She then proceeded to try to pull me out of the bathroom. She was shaking with anger and her eyes were wide as she yelled at me, telling me to stop telling her what to do. I firmly and loudly told her to let go and she refused until she opened the bathroom door and Keith was standing there. She dropped my arm and pushed past Keith and went to her room where she continued her tantrum for another 20 minutes.

I am not as upset by her outburst as I am by my reaction. I was very angry with her. I did not take this anger out on her. As a matter of fact, I did not resist her when she grabbed my arm out of fear of hurting her. I knew I wasn’t in any danger and she would eventually let go. However, the entire incident shook me up and it took a long time for me to cool off. Even though I know Alma is not inherently a violent person, this is the third incident of violent behavior that I have seen. I am hoping that it will continue to only be directed at me (I’m the only one that challenges her-I have instructed my children not to) but I know it will eventually get worse. I think the thing that upset me the most was when Keith went in to check on her and she told him she felt sorry for him that he has to put up with me (I kind of wish Keith had kept that little nugget to himself). I realize that this is part of dementia and that I shouldn’t “take it personally” but it feels personal sometimes and nothing anyone can say will make that part of it easier.

On a more positive note, her mood passed as quickly as it came and she was back to her dancing, happy self yesterday and today. This morning, on our way into the Adult Care Center she even told me I was “such a sweet person”. I, on the other hand, needed some additional time and took a “sick day” yesterday.  After a day of reading in the sun (I recommend “The 36-Hour Day” listed to the right), I was also much better by today and harmony is temporarily restored.

"Leave my toothbrush alone!!!"

Except for one teeny, tiny incident on Monday, Alma's mood has continued to be pretty good. However, that incident ended up being pretty traumatic for all involved.

The whole thing happened over dental hygiene (of course), an ongoing source of contention these days. I’ll be honest and say that my patience is wearing thin as I approach the end of the school year and the end of my youngest daughter’s middle school career. We have been incredibly busy and I am feeling pulled in about ninety different directions. Therefore, as hard as it is for me to admit, I will say that I was being a bit snippy and short while “helping” Alma with this task. Nonetheless, I was shocked when Alma, who simply did not want to brush her teeth, grabbed my wrist (I was putting toothpaste on her toothbrush) with both hands, twisted and refused to let go. She then proceeded to try to pull me out of the bathroom. She was shaking with anger and her eyes were wide as she yelled at me, telling me to stop telling her what to do. I firmly and loudly told her to let go and she refused until she opened the bathroom door and Keith was standing there. She dropped my arm and pushed past Keith and went to her room where she continued her tantrum for another 20 minutes.

I am not as upset by her outburst as I am by my reaction. I was very angry with her. I did not take this anger out on her. As a matter of fact, I did not resist her when she grabbed my arm out of fear of hurting her. I knew I wasn’t in any danger and she would eventually let go. However, the entire incident shook me up and it took a long time for me to cool off. Even though I know Alma is not inherently a violent person, this is the third incident of violent behavior that I have seen. I am hoping that it will continue to only be directed at me (I’m the only one that challenges her-I have instructed my children not to) but I know it will eventually get worse. I think the thing that upset me the most was when Keith went in to check on her and she told him she felt sorry for him that he has to put up with me (I kind of wish Keith had kept that little nugget to himself). I realize that this is part of dementia and that I shouldn’t “take it personally” but it feels personal sometimes and nothing anyone can say will make that part of it easier.

On a more positive note, her mood passed as quickly as it came and she was back to her dancing, happy self yesterday and today. This morning, on our way into the Adult Care Center she even told me I was “such a sweet person”. I, on the other hand, needed some additional time and took a “sick day” yesterday.  After a day of reading in the sun (I recommend “The 36-Hour Day” listed to the right), I was also much better by today and harmony is temporarily restored.