Feelings

Yes, my original intention was to track daily progress and I've been slow to start. Hopefully, now that we are settling in, I will find my way here at least a couple of times a week.

This has been a hard week for Alma. Her cognitive ability differs daily. There are many days when she is pretty unaware of what's going on and seems pretty confused. On those days, she appears pretty happy and content. Then there are the days when she is fairly cognizant ofher condition. Those are the days we struggle the most.

Monday was Valentines Day and Alma's good friend, Carol came over with lunch. They have been friends since their sons were young and they attended the same Church of Christ. Alma was in good spirits during the visit but as soon as Carol left, I detected a change in her mood. It was if she became aware of her limitations by her intereaction with someone who used to be a peer. She became quiet, weepy and pretty much inconsolable. I tried all of my normal methods of distraction ( coloring, a puzzle, a silly movie, her favorite foods ect) and nothing worked. She was very emotional and focusing on the fact that she feels she has nothing to contribute to the family. I reminded her that we were very happy to have her with us an we love her but nothing would soothe her. I finally just sat in the chair next to her bed and let her cry until she fell asleep.

Yesterday she still seemed pretty down. I asked ehr how she was feeling and she said she didn't know. She spent the afternoon with our daughter out in Catawba helping to babysit and four year old friend. As soon as she came home, she went to her room and went to bed. Again, I tried to talk to her and she just kept saying she was okay and to leave her alone.

Today I decided to try something different. The problem is that I was beginning to feel pretty agitated and depressed myself. I took an hour time out while my husband took Alma with him to ride out and pick up our daughter at her college. That seemed to help. I just needed some time to think about some other possible ways to redirect Alma's attention.

A colleague of mine was talking about making feelings cards for her two attachment disordered adopted children. It only made sense to me that this might work for her. After I was done kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner, Alma and I sat down together and made faces on index cards with the feeling word underneath. She was able to identify several different feelings in the hour we spent on this project. Unfortunately, she started out feeling pretty "happy" and "optimistic" and our little "session" ended with her feeling quite "sad" and "lonely". I'm a little worried I might have triggered her a bit by focusing so much energy on emotion. Hmmmm...something to keep in mind.