Feeling Lonely

I realized this morning as I was desperately trying to get Alma to see that we really do want her with us that she has been terribly lonely for quite some time. I came back from dropping my youngest daughter off at school and Alma was on her bed sobbing. When I left to take Wren, she was laughing and happy. That being said, I have gotten quite used to these extreme mood swings so I really was't that surprised. Last night she had cried herself to sleep even after a full day with Kaiya and a new haircut by me (no, I am not a hairstylist and have no experience cutting hair other than trimming my own bangs-something my hairstylist would prefer me to refrain from. By the way, the new do is totally adorable and I took some pictures to share). Anyway, as Alma was telling me that I just don't care about her, I had a small epiphany (duh-I should have already realized this).

Alma lived alone for over 20 years. According to Keith, even when he was at home, she didn't interact with him much. Not only did she live alone, she also kept people at arms length. In recent years, it had become hard to get her to even participate in family activities such as birthdays and holidays. She was incredibly lonley, I'm sure. However, she would always tell me, "I'm shy and don't really like large groups" so we didn't push her. I see now that living with us and being part of an active, loving and close family probably makes all of those years of lonliness surface in the form of great sadness. That would explain why when I am with her and we are actively interacting, she seems happy and when I am otherwise engaged, she begins to sob. It's during those moments when she tells me no one wants her here. It must be horrible to feel like such an outsider in your own family. Even though Keith would like for me to take a more minimalistic approach to interacting with her, I believe that there is a real opportunity for healing here and I would like to try some attacment therapy techniques with her. I have attached a link to the Foundation for Family Healing under Resources on the right side of the blog. Dawn Wadiak is the founder of the Foundation. She is a trauma and attachment healing specialist. I have had the opportunity to take a couple of workshops with her. Her work is centered around children but I feel that many of her techniques can be applied here. The challenge will be to do this without burning out so I am working on some resources to give me breaks when needed.