I'm a "Meanie Weenie"!

I am a Meanie Weenie. At least that's what I've been told lately. As expected, this week has been pretty rough. Anytime we introduce a change in Alma’s “routine”, she experiences some type of decline.  Her stay at Emeritus was no exception. I’ve already shared that Alma has been expressing some pretty intense anger lately. This morning she threw a tantrum because she couldn’t get into the bathroom (we have a teenage daughter, remember?). She had gone only ten minutes earlier so we knew that she would be fine and it would only be another ten minutes. However, she became very stressed and concerned that she would lose control. Efforts to cam her only made her escalate. As a result, she lashed out at me. It was the second time in two days that she came at me physically.  However, Alma is easy to redirect and hopefully we will continue to be able to manage these episodes in a positive fashion.

The second “incident” happened when Alma decided she wanted to help me by taking out a bag of trash I had collected while cleaning my teenager’s room. It had just stopped raining, the sun was shining and she really wanted to be outside. I was concerned that she would try to wander off but I agreed and asked her to come right back in. I am still holding out hope that we can help her maintain some level of autonomy. Nonetheless, this very intelligent woman saw an opportunity and made a break for it. She bolted right down the street and I had to go after her. I asked her to come in and she stomped her feet as she reluctantly followed me back inside the house. She said, “I was just going to go up the street” and started yelling at me about treating her like a baby. While going for a walk seems like a reasonable request from someone who looks and sounds like a normally functioning adult, she simply can’t handle it. She doesn’t know our address or phone number and that is a great concern to us.

I have heard from a couple of people that Alma’s acting out may be attention seeking behavior. I can see some truth in that. Keith would like for me to back off my constant engaging her and I would like to give her the attention she obviously needs and deserves. The thing is that these angry outbursts come from unmet needs and an inability to express her feelings. I’ve given up on getting her to verbalize those things. Overall, I think what she is looking for is reassurance, validation and empathy. I see this as a great opportunity for my whole family to practice compassion (it isn’t as easy as I make it sound here, believe me). My hope is that even if Alma doesn’t know what’s going on around her, she will feel unconditional support.  The whole purpose here is to keep Alma with us as long as possible. After a week at assisted living, I am more convinced than ever that this is what is best for her.