Yesterday, as I picked
Alma up from Emeritus, I was reminded why we have chosen to have her live with us versus staying full time at the assisted living facility. Therefore, my frustration and irritation may shine through the layer of sarcasm and "humor" that I try to hide behind most of the time when talking about our lives with
Alma (and many other aspects that I choose to leave out of this venue).
Last Friday, while we were camping with friends at a nearby state campground, Keith received a phone call from the nurse at Emeritus at around 5:45 am. The weird thing was that I was dreaming about
Alma when I was awoken by his phone ringing. We were told that they had gotten her up (why they are getting her up at such a ridiculous hour if she is sleeping is beyond me) taken her to the living room where they "sat" her in a chair. The nurse said she walked away and heard a loud thump. When she went back in the room,
Alma was on the floor, face down. She told us she had a knot on her head and asked whether or not we wanted her to go to urgent care. Keith said we'd call back so that we could discuss it. I called back a few minutes later and questioned
Alma's state. The nurse assured me that they would be monitoring her and we opted not to have her go through the upheaval of being taken to the emergency room. It never occurred to us to drive the hour back to
Roanoke to check on her ourselves, nor did we consider having Kaiya (who wasn't with us) or a friend check on her. It felt to us that they were calling as part of their procedure and it wasn't that big of a deal.
On Sunday, when we got back, I called to check on her. The nurse said, "Oh yeah, she's doing fine. She has a bruise but she seems fine.” I asked if I needed to come and see her (I try not to go when she is there for respite. It confuses her) and the nurse said, "No, she's fine". I left it at that, knowing that we would be picking her up on Thursday. I also knew that she had friends visiting and figured they would call if it was really bad.
Yesterday morning, Wrenna and I went to pick her up. When I walked in, the director and community director were standing there and told me that it "still looks really bad". When I saw her, I was shocked. Her right side of the face was swollen and her eye was literally "red, black and blue". I also noted her glasses were missing. I tried not to react and gathered her stuff together. I was told her glasses were in the office with her meds because they were damaged. I thought that was strange and asked if she had gone all week without her glasses. "Oh no. They just have them because you are picking her up.", the nurse stated.
As we walked out, I looked at the two administrators and stated "you weren't kidding when you said she looks pretty bad. I wish I had been told that her injuries were this bad." They stated that elderly people bruise a lot and often bruises get worse as they heal. I know nothing of bruising but am confident that my nurse step-mother can shed some light on this piece.
We went home and as I unpacked her stuff, I realized that they had not cleaned her dentures once since she'd been gone.
Alma's breath was strong and her dentist has shared that this is common with a lot of plaque build up which occurs when dental hygiene is poor. I also noticed her glasses were bent and there is no way that she had been wearing them all week which is really not okay. Between those issues and her very bruised right side of her face (which included a cut that they did not mention), I was feeling really frustrated. That's when I realized that I should have asked for some sort of discharge summary talking about her care and an included an incident report.
I have been known to react strongly in these situations and did not want to call them while I was this upset so I did the logical thing and took Alma out to Loch Haven Lake, a beautiful private swim club where we spend a lot of our time. She enjoyed her afternoon there. When we got home, my friend,
Nancy came over and expressed her concerns over what I relayed to her. I decided at the very least that we should have received some sort of incident report. When I called to ask about it, I was told that they could read it to me but I could not have a copy because it is one of their legal documents. I went on to explain the rest of my concerns and asked if they give out some sort of discharge summary when a resident leaves. I was told they do not and was given "explanations" for each of my concerns. Nonetheless, I am less than satisfied, not exactly sure how to proceed, and question whether or not my expectations are unreasonable.
The bottom line is that I am reminded in a terrible way why we want to keep
Alma with us as long as possible. There is no way she can tell us what is going on. She has no idea how she got hurt. She simply can not advocate for herself and I may be tooting my own horn but whatever; she gets excellent care with us. The difficult part is that we are slowly feeling more and more at a loss for alternate care so we can get well needed breaks. We really took for granted the ability to all go out at 8pm for frozen yogurt on a hot summer night or to take off for a long weekend to see family. It's not that
Alma is not welcome to come with us. She simply can't travel and her confusion is such that she needs constant attention.
Therefore, we may just have to be resolved to stay close to home for a while. However, things could be much worse and I am grateful that we are able to do this for now.
