Alma

Alma
Alma in College

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Happy Earth Day!

Officially, Earth Day was yesterday. However, our celebration was today in the Grandin Village. I knew there would be tons of people but it was such a beautiful day, I decided that Alma might like it. If it became stressful, we could leave.

She had a wonderful time. There were several local bands playing and Alma got right up in front of them and danced with little inhibition. I love that she does that as I am fairly sure she has never been one to hang out at music festivals listening to jam bands. Therefore, today we find another positive spin on this horrible disease; it may help one to become uninhibited.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Friends

I would like to acknowledge, once again, how great Alma's friends have been. It occurred to me, when one of her long time friends came over today, how hard it must be for them to see Alma struggling so much. I mention this because as her friend was leaving, Alma and I walked her out and Alma wanted to keep going. It was pretty easy to get her to come back but she made it known that she did not want to. I thought I could get her to come in by asking her to help me find my shoes and she said, "Or, I could just step on them", looking at my bare feet. I could tell her friend was bothered by the whole thing and that's when it occurred to me how frightening it must be to watch someone who you’ve known since you were a young parent going through something like that. It has always been my practice to walk someone to the door and many times outside when they get up to leave. I also always think it’s a nice way for Alma to say goodbye to her friends. I’m thinking that we are going to have to change that and ask people to quietly slide out so we don’t confuse Alma.

It’s a challenge because Alma wants to spend time with her friends. It’s one of those few pleasures that I was talking about yesterday. She is always happy when they are visiting. However, she often becomes weepy afterwards and I understand why. They get to leave and she is stuck somewhere she doesn’t want to be. I do have one more thing to share regarding all of this. After her friend was gone and Alma had a good cry about wanting to be anywhere but here, she looked at me and very clearly stated, “Please don’t take it personally. You have been very good to me and are a nice lady but I just want to be with my family.”  Believe it or not and as silly as it sounds, I was grateful for the validation that she didn’t think I was torturing her (there are many times when I’m sure she feels that way). More importantly, I want to note that Alma was able to look outside of herself long enough to be mindful of hurting my feelings. It is rare that someone in this stage of Alzheimer’s is able to do that and even though I know those moments are fleeting, I find hope there.

A great blog

I posted a new link to the right with the other links. It is a link to another blog I follow by Brene Brown. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and I’ve mentioned her work on empathy and compassion in the past. I find a lot of encouragement there.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Children

On a more somber note I just wanted to add....

Alma has been quite fixated on her boys being at her house and no one will let her out of here to take care of them. Today she thinks they range in age from 12-20. All I have to say is that I have had dreams where I didn't know where my children were or couldn't get to them and I would wake up feeling terrified. That feeling would go with me through my day. I can't imagine how terrified she is feeling right now. At least when I woke up, I knew my children were fine. She doesn't have that luxury.

It is not my intention to be a Debbie Downer here. I simply want to acknowledge the heavy load Alma bears.

Ice Cream, You Scream

This morning Alma was in a great mood when she woke up. I took her to Adult Care and they were planning an outing to a pre-school and I had hoped this good mood would last throughout the day (Alma loves small children).  However, when I went to pick her up this afternoon, she was trying to make a break for it. I went in to get her and staff told me she was having a rough afternoon. As we walked out, Alma said, "Thank you, but I will NOT be back!" to the staff. When we got outside she stopped to tell me that someone had told her that she couldn't have her children. She said, "they said I can't take care of them and I need to get to my boys!!!". I assured her that her boys were okay and they are now grown. She insisted that she needs to get a job so she can get them back. She was obviously quite agitated. Knowing that I couldn't reason with her, I took her to get ice cream. I did the same thing last week when she was unhappy there. To be fair, she did ask if I would take her for some "white cold stuff that is really good". The fact that she hardly ever asks for anything makes me feel that these rare requests should be honored when I can. Nonetheless, I wonder if you can start someone who has memory issues on a destructive path towards food addiction. Before I get responses assuring me the importance of good nutrition and healthy comfort measures, I would like to say that I really am joking and do not think that Alma is going to become overly dependant on ice cream. That being said, she ate that ice cream like someone was about to snatch it out of her hands. Maybe she was taking her anger out on that cone. I don't know how she didn't get some kind of brain freeze but she seemed fine. I asked her if she thinks she could win an ice cream eating contest and she seemed excited at the thought. Perhaps I should talk to our friends at Loch Haven Lake about adding ice cream contest to their list of Fourth of July events.

The bottom line here is that Alma doesn't have much that brings her pleasure at this moment. Therefore, I believe that if she wants something, she should have it. She is healthy, eats an excellent (if I may say so myself-well, credit really goes to Keith, our healthy chef) nutirent rich diet that includes fruits and veggies with every meal and she walks at least 2.5 miles a day (that means I walk 2.5 miles a day which is about the most consistent exercise I've had in the last few years-we are trying to build up to 5-Thanks, Alma; my new personal trainer!). Due to the fact that she is constantly on the move and is at low risk for diabetes, I feel that she can have all the cold, creamy goodness she can get her hands on.  I, on the other hand, will have to stick with herbal tea.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Yey! A Happy Memory

Our walks have turned into a place where ALma tends to speak a lot about her life; especially her childhood. Just another reminder that we may not always know what is truth and what she has added  to these memories. However, today as we walked down the street and talked about the trees and flowers (her favorite subject) the topic of Easter came up.

Alma shares that when she was 15 the Easter Bunny still came to their home in Detroit. She relayed that her mother would ask the kids what colors they liked and she would dye them accordingly. She said her favorite colors were pink and purple. On Easter morning, her brothers and she would get up and there would be Easter baskets for all of them. She said her mother didn't really like for them to have candy but her dad would go out and get some for the baskets. I asked if they had an Easter egg hunt and she said they did but it was for the boys. Alma smiled brightly as she shared that her mother would hide the eggs and she was her "accomplice".

When we got back from our walk, Alma wanted to watch a movie and I put on one of her many romantic comedies that she loves. She stepped out of the room for a minute and when she came back, there was a wedding scene where everyone was dancing to some old song and she started dancing too. It was really sweet watching her smile and waving her arms. I have rarely had the opportunity to see Alma this free in the 21 years I've known her.

I am so grateful for a good day here.

Accountability

It is a bit gloomy here in Roanoke and I think Alma and I need a day at home. Yesterday, we both stayed very busy and this morning she seems a bit tired and out of sorts (more than usual).

It has been brought to my attention (and I am grateful for this) that in sharing some of what Alma shares as her "history" may not be accurate. I've attempted to share it as her recollection and not fact but I don't think that is always clear. I confess that I know very little about this disease. I am writing from the perspective of a lay person and nothing more. It is my understanding (thanks to my anonymous friend who points this out) that with dementia, patients may manifest their reality from numerable sources. For example; something seen on television or heard on the news may enter into their reality and their memories. Therefore, I will try and remember to include this disclaimer with any future postings about Alma's history. I will also admit that I may have presented her memories as somewhat factual out of a personal and selfish need to understand why she has always seemed so unhappy. That is unfair to her family and friends and I apologize for any insensitivity.

I really have nothing else to add at this point other than I do really appreciate when family and friends choose to contact me with concerns and/or support. I have found it very helpful and encouraging. While my original intent here was to document Alma's progression it is also about our experiences with all of this. I have found this blog very helpful with keeping me on track, grounded and accountable. I highly encourage anyone who has any thoughts to either e-mail me or post them openly. The benefit to posting in this public setting is that others may benefit from any additional comments.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

"You are a Kind meanie weenie"

Just a brief posting to share that I have been upgraded from a "meanie weenie" to a "kind meanie weenie" . Alma laughed and laughed as she decided that this is my new status. It was hilarious!!!!

Dogwoods

I have really been struggling with what a downer these posts are most of the time. I hate that. The reality is Alma has it pretty rough right now and while we do our best to help her feel comfortable, it is rare when she does seem happy.

To the right there are some beautiful pictures of Alma swinging at the park with Kaiya. I was so happy to hear that Alma still has the coordination to do that. It must have made her feel so good to do something for herself without having someone in her face telling her how to do it.

This morning, Alma and I were out early and she was so overjoyed by all of the flowers blooming everywhere. Being outside in the sunshine just transforms her mood and I was so grateful for that. I think we will spend most of the day outside.