Wishing for Home

Have I mentioned that my husband, Alma’s youngest son, Keith, is a bit of a culinary snob? As I sift through all of these recipes I am perplexed about that character trait in him. These recipes are calorie laden, fat filled, and comfort food at its finest. These dishes are the kind you find at baby showers and church picnics. I can tell from the way they are so worn out that they have been well utilized over the years. Due to the fact that Alma has been especially nostalgic for Waverly, Tennessee, I have thought that I might start recreating some of these recipes for her. She has been especially missing her parents and has spent a lot of time wandering around and talking about them being “missing”. Therefore, Keith may have to put his delicate palate to rest so that we can give her a minuscule taste of her childhood.

I thought about doing a really shortened and much less glamorous version of “Julie and Julia” for the purpose of bringing Alma’s food to life.  However, I do not have the discipline to commit to preparing specific food every day nor would that be a very health conscience choice to make. So, I will quietly share recipes here and may occasionally make one for Alma. I’m sure everyone here will be better off for it.

Alma made this Applesauce Cake (recipe below) for her mother every single day when I first joined this family. She made them into muffins every morning before she went to work and would just leave them on the counter for Ethelyn to grab whenever she wanted.  I remember Keith’s grandmother walking around with pockets full of muffins. Eventually, I would find them in her drawers, in the couch, and anywhere she could think to stash them. I’ll just say that I have not adopted this technique as part of Alma’s care. I’m way too uptight about messes and the possibility of rodents for that but it really was kind of hilarious at the time. Enjoy.

Applesauce Cake

¾ cup Margarine

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

2 cups applesauce

Pinch of baking soda and salt

3 cups flour

1 teaspoon cinnamon

½ box of raisins (soaked in warm water for half an hour)

1 cup black walnuts.

Grease Bundt pan or line muffin tin. Fill and bake at 350. (50 minutes for cake. 20-30 for muffins)

Staying Connected Through Family Recipes

Alma’s very sweet friend, Judy called today to see if Alma wanted to go to church. They always go twice on Sunday and Wednesday evenings. Due to busy summer activities, it’s been a while since anyone has asked her to go. Alma left her church several years ago and Keith and I never questioned her about it as we believe that religious practices are a personal decision. When Alma came to live with us last August, Judy and Alma’s friend, Ann have been kind enough to check in regularly about taking her to church on Wednesday evenings.  Sometimes Alma wants to go and sometimes she is too tired. However, today when Judy called and I started to respond that I will ask Alma, I realized that maybe Alma is beyond going to church with her friends.  When I told Judy this, she agreed saying that Alma tried to leave the last two times she took her.  Judy went on to share that during Alma’s last stay at Emeritus, she went to visit her and Alma didn’t seem to know her. When she introduced herself to Alma, Judy said Alma replied, “Oh Judy!”, as she turned to another resident and started laughing. They both walked away laughing and Judy stated that it seemed that Alma seemed content and happy enough and left. The fact that Alma is recognizing people less and less seems to indicate that she may be easily stressed if she becomes aware that she is in an unfamiliar setting.

That being said, it is wonderful that Alma has these connections and I can not say enough how grateful we are that so many people reach out to her in this way. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for friends and family to see Alma so disoriented. I live with her everyday and there are moments when I am hit with the gravity of her condition. Keith and I were talking and it really hadn’t hit me until recently how much worse she has gotten since she’s been here. We are managing her meds on a more regular basis, she is eating better and having a lot of social interaction yet she continues to slide and it’s happened quicker than I realized. In light of that, I would like to get back to some of my original intent and try to share more of her history. When my friend, Nancy and I were cleaning out her house, we found some cookbooks and a bunch of family recipes. I thought it would be nice to post some of those here.

When I met Alma, I was a young idealistic vegetarian and I’m pretty sure she had not really had much experience with preparing meat free meals. Things became even more complicated when my children were born and we continued to raise them vegetarian. I was touched as I went through all of those old recipes and found so many that she used to prepare especially for my children and me on holidays and special occasions. She went to great lengths to accommodate me and I’m not sure I ever really appreciated her for all she did for us back then. She may not have been overtly warm and accepting of me, but she showed her love to my family through the preparation of dishes that meant a lot to her when growing up. I want to especially acknowledge the fact that she altered these recipes substituting vegetable broth and shortening for beef broth and lard that many of these originally called for. I plan to share all of those here. However, first I would like to share her very favorite recipe. I always remember her making “Ethelyn’s Brownies” and those of you who know her will remember that this was her favorite staple item to make for both family and social gatherings.

Ethelyn’s Brownies

2 Cups Sugar

½ Cup Cocoa

1 Cup shortening

Pinch of salt

4 eggs

½ Cup Evaporated Milk

1 Cup flour

½ teaspoon vanilla

1 Cup nuts (optional)

Cream first four ingredients together and mix in the rest. Bake in a greased and floured 9x13 inch pan at 350 for 20-30 minutes.

While brownies are in the oven; mix together ½ to ¾ pound of powdered sugar, pinch of salt, 3 T water and ½ stick of melted butter. Mix well and spread over hot brownies.

Inhibitions

Alma’s mood swings continue to perplex us as we have seen a drastic variation with her ups and downs. For the moment, we are monitoring her and I will take her back to her doctor if it continues. That being said, her highs seem to appear with more frequency than her lows. Therefore, I hate to mess with it too much as we are finding her much more agreeable and generally happy. For example; yesterday when I picked her up at day care and asked about her day she told me, "It was good. All I do is make people laugh and laugh” as she was cracking herself up. I told her she should start doing stand up comedy and she said, “I could do that. Everyone loves me”.

I had her quarterly “treatment planning” meeting at the Adult Care Center. We all agree that Alma has adjusted well and seems to really enjoy “working” there. The nurse and director report that Alma is wonderful with the other participants and often spends time talking with and redirecting them when they are having a bad day. They also report that she willingly participates in activities and loves to dance when there is music.

I spoke with my Psychology Advisor from Hollins when I ran into her the other day and asked her about inhibitions. She was very patient with me as she reminded me that it is the frontal lobe of the brain that houses emotions and inhibitions. Even though if I was paying attention in her class I would have already known this, she went on to explain that the “scrambling” in the brain that occurs with Alzheimer’s has a great effect on inhibitions and can result in a lowering of them in patients.

I don’t mean to sound insensitive but I would be lying if I didn’t share that I am grateful for this aspect of the disease. I have shared previously that Alma led her life fairly repressed (that is my humble opinion-others should feel free to interject here). I never saw her dance, laugh without abandon, or talk about the fact that people love her. She was always fairly depressed and this isn’t the first time that I’ve expressed how lovely it is to witness this new found freedom in her. She reminds me of that famous quote…..

“Dance as if no one is watching. Love as though you’ve never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth. “souza