Alma was not very happy to see me this morning when I brought in some pictures for her "life collage". The director (whom I love so much-she is really awesome!!!) took me back to the community room where the residents were playing kickball. Their version of kick ball was sitting in a circle and kicking a giant exercise ball to one another. I waved to her and she looked irritated as she kicked the ball really hard right at me. I kicked it back and went to sit down with her. I asked how she was doing and shesaid, "fine, but I'm not elderly like these people", as she proceeded to praise those around her for doing a "good job" kicking the ball. Next she made me put in writing that I would be back next Wednesday to get her. I did that and added my phone number and she put the paper in her pocket.
Susan (the director) shared with me on the way out that it is a good sign that she didn't just jump up when I came in but I feel like she's pretty angry with me right now (I can't blame her). She said Alma is doing really well and she doesn't usually get such a good reaction from residents who are so high functioning. Thus, I left feeling that she is in good hands and will be well cared for. I did hear from a couple of her friends that are going to go and visit her while she is there. I think that will help a lot.
I probably will wait until she gets back and acclimated before I post anything. Hopefully, her time there will be fairly uneventful and I can just report that she had a great time.
Alma
Alma in College
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tantrums and Heartbreak
Alma has begun having temper tantrums. I understand that it is quite normal to revert back to child like behaviors. It is just quite overwhelming to watch a grown woman stomp her feet and scream like a toddler. Especially when it's someone I've always seen as completely in control at all times. Fortunately, while these outbursts seem to come on with little provocation, it is fairly easy to de-escalate and redirect.
Today, I dropped Alma off at the assisted living facilty. It was really hard. It's funny because a friend of hers has suggested for quite some time that Alma may be more comfortable at one of these places other than with family and I understand why she might believe that. At the facility, Alma has her own space and is surrounded by other people who are are afflicted with the same horrible disease. She is not reminded on a daily basis that the people living with her are able to do things she can't. Sadly, today Alma did not agree with her friend. She did not want to be left there and said things like I was "throwing" her away. She was scared, alone and feeling abandoned by everyone in her life. It was terrible. I thought leaving my daughter at college for the first time would be hard. That was nothing compared to seeing the heartbreak in Alma's face as I left. Thankfully, I was able to keep it together until I got out to the parking lot. That's when I had my own meltdown and called Keith and my mother for comfort. I am so grateful at this moment that I am able to feel comforted. Alma doesn't even have that these days.
I know Alma is safe where she is. I really like this place. The staff are wonderful and appear well trained. I know there is nothing I can do to assure her that we will be back other than actually show up and bring her home next week. I wish I could go away knowing that she believed that this is what's going to happen.
Today, I dropped Alma off at the assisted living facilty. It was really hard. It's funny because a friend of hers has suggested for quite some time that Alma may be more comfortable at one of these places other than with family and I understand why she might believe that. At the facility, Alma has her own space and is surrounded by other people who are are afflicted with the same horrible disease. She is not reminded on a daily basis that the people living with her are able to do things she can't. Sadly, today Alma did not agree with her friend. She did not want to be left there and said things like I was "throwing" her away. She was scared, alone and feeling abandoned by everyone in her life. It was terrible. I thought leaving my daughter at college for the first time would be hard. That was nothing compared to seeing the heartbreak in Alma's face as I left. Thankfully, I was able to keep it together until I got out to the parking lot. That's when I had my own meltdown and called Keith and my mother for comfort. I am so grateful at this moment that I am able to feel comforted. Alma doesn't even have that these days.
I know Alma is safe where she is. I really like this place. The staff are wonderful and appear well trained. I know there is nothing I can do to assure her that we will be back other than actually show up and bring her home next week. I wish I could go away knowing that she believed that this is what's going to happen.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
A Change in Scenery
Tomorrow, Alma will go into respite at an assisted living facility for one week. It is a beautiful place about a mile from our home. They work specifically with dementia. She is going because we are going out of town for a few days and taking her with us is just not an option; not to mention the fact that we all could use a break from one another. Last week, Alma toured the facility (she has no memory of that) and spent some time with staff and residents while Keith and I did the paperwork. She has heard us talking about our upcoming trip and I think it is making her nervous which is very understandable.
Life here continues to progress with little variation except now she is attending the adult care facility a couple of days a week. I think she is starting to get into a groove there. I have asked that the staff allow her to help with the less able participants and they are doing that. Yesterday, Alma was relieved when I came to pick her up (I got there early because it was a beautiful day) but said, "the old ladies are really sweet and they love me". Maybe this is finally giving her the sense of self-worth that she has been needing for quite some time.
Alma's attitude continues to vary on a daily basis and that is probably one of my biggest challenges. We all want our in-laws to love and accept us. The thing is that when Alma first came to live with us, she was extrememly easy going and sweet. Nine months later, much of the anger and animosity I felt towards me when I first met Keith is coming out with a vengence. Most likely it's due to a feeling that she's dependent on me. That must be so hard to deal with. She already struggles with trust due to life circumstances and now she has to completly depend on Keith and I. That must be devastating to her. I'm hoping that some space from us will help her feel a little more balanced and in control. However, I realize that it's time for me to stop trying to fix everything for her all the time too. It's wearing me out and I think it's really getting on Alma's nerves.
Life here continues to progress with little variation except now she is attending the adult care facility a couple of days a week. I think she is starting to get into a groove there. I have asked that the staff allow her to help with the less able participants and they are doing that. Yesterday, Alma was relieved when I came to pick her up (I got there early because it was a beautiful day) but said, "the old ladies are really sweet and they love me". Maybe this is finally giving her the sense of self-worth that she has been needing for quite some time.
Alma's attitude continues to vary on a daily basis and that is probably one of my biggest challenges. We all want our in-laws to love and accept us. The thing is that when Alma first came to live with us, she was extrememly easy going and sweet. Nine months later, much of the anger and animosity I felt towards me when I first met Keith is coming out with a vengence. Most likely it's due to a feeling that she's dependent on me. That must be so hard to deal with. She already struggles with trust due to life circumstances and now she has to completly depend on Keith and I. That must be devastating to her. I'm hoping that some space from us will help her feel a little more balanced and in control. However, I realize that it's time for me to stop trying to fix everything for her all the time too. It's wearing me out and I think it's really getting on Alma's nerves.
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