Positives

With Altzheimer's, it's easy to focus on the negative aspects of the disease. To be fair, it is the way the disease is progressing that I have wanted to track here but that leaves very little room for the good moments. I am happy to report that the lat couple of days have been pretty good (knock on wood). Alma has been in good spirits and I'd like to share some of that here. I'll begin with yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, I was getting ready for a few of my girlfriends to come over and have lunch at my house. I was in the kitchen washing dishes and listening to Lucinda Williams on XM radio. I heard Alma coming down the hall and she came in the kitchen dancing and laughing. It was really hilarious and quite out of character (remember this is someone who has a lifetime of repressed feelings). The only other time I've seen her dance was when she was dancing with Wrenna to that Wii game. She came into the kitchen shaking her hips and said, "I like when you play this good music!". This morning she is in an equally good mood so I'll just keep the music going and hope for the best.

Feeling Lonely

I realized this morning as I was desperately trying to get Alma to see that we really do want her with us that she has been terribly lonely for quite some time. I came back from dropping my youngest daughter off at school and Alma was on her bed sobbing. When I left to take Wren, she was laughing and happy. That being said, I have gotten quite used to these extreme mood swings so I really was't that surprised. Last night she had cried herself to sleep even after a full day with Kaiya and a new haircut by me (no, I am not a hairstylist and have no experience cutting hair other than trimming my own bangs-something my hairstylist would prefer me to refrain from. By the way, the new do is totally adorable and I took some pictures to share). Anyway, as Alma was telling me that I just don't care about her, I had a small epiphany (duh-I should have already realized this).

Alma lived alone for over 20 years. According to Keith, even when he was at home, she didn't interact with him much. Not only did she live alone, she also kept people at arms length. In recent years, it had become hard to get her to even participate in family activities such as birthdays and holidays. She was incredibly lonley, I'm sure. However, she would always tell me, "I'm shy and don't really like large groups" so we didn't push her. I see now that living with us and being part of an active, loving and close family probably makes all of those years of lonliness surface in the form of great sadness. That would explain why when I am with her and we are actively interacting, she seems happy and when I am otherwise engaged, she begins to sob. It's during those moments when she tells me no one wants her here. It must be horrible to feel like such an outsider in your own family. Even though Keith would like for me to take a more minimalistic approach to interacting with her, I believe that there is a real opportunity for healing here and I would like to try some attacment therapy techniques with her. I have attached a link to the Foundation for Family Healing under Resources on the right side of the blog. Dawn Wadiak is the founder of the Foundation. She is a trauma and attachment healing specialist. I have had the opportunity to take a couple of workshops with her. Her work is centered around children but I feel that many of her techniques can be applied here. The challenge will be to do this without burning out so I am working on some resources to give me breaks when needed.

The Patron Saint of the Under Appreciated

Last Christmas, one of my friends gave me a necklace of The Patron Saint of the Under Appreciated. On the front is a matronly woman and on the back it says, "This kindly saint watches over all who deserve more credit and are constantly overlooked by family, peers and employers". Recently, I passed that necklace on to Alma on one of the days when she seemed particularly down. Since then, she hasn't taken it off. She loves to read the back to me and laugh at the ironic truth of what it symbolizes. I have to agree that from what Alma has shared with me, I gather that she has been incredibly underappreciated at many times in her life.

Alma as the Patron Saint of the Underappreciated.

Missing Family

This morning Alma woke up sad and crying. She thought her brother Richard, pictured above with her in Europe was supposed to come for a visit. She had her bags packed and ready to go with him (this has been going on for several years-one time about a year ago she brought her coffee maker over at 5am because she wouldn't be needing it at Richard and Glendas.) and was quite disappointed because she was convinced that he had come to Roanoke but did not even stop in to say hello. I could not convince her that he had not been there but I was able to distract her long enough to go through some more of her wonderful pictures. The thing I found the most interesting is that she doesn't really share stories as much as share her perception of the character of each person from the pictures. For example; "Richard is a good sweet boy and his wife, Glenda is so beautiful" she says. I love hearing her take on the people in our life. Some of it is quite hilarious (I'll refrain from the really outlandish statements....for now).

This is Alma's Aunt Teenie, her mother's younger sister, and she still resides in Waverly, Tennessee. Alma loves her aunt and talks about how sweet she is. She said, "Teenie will take in anyone and feed them. She is such a good cook.".  She drove the 8 hours to see Teenie at least twice a year until about 4 years ago, shortly before she stopped driving.

Alma's grandfather, BW Runions, the Barber, and and an unknown man.

Alma talked very briefly about her paternal grandfather, BW. I asked what BW stands for and she said, "I don't know, he's just BW."

Another way of looking at things

Disclaimer: This has not been a good day. Alma isn't happy and I'm not handling it well. Therefore, instead of focusing on all of that, I'm going to focus on the positve aspects of caring for a family member. One of those being learning about family history. One of the best ways to do that is to look at pictures while they share stories. Here are some pictures that Alma shared with me today. Unfortunately, the stories are a bit fragmented. I will work on that and post later.

Alma, Kenny, Connie (Alma's Dad) and Kevin

Alma and Keith

Connie and Ethelyn Runions

Harry, Connie, Ethelyn, Richard and Alma Runions

Harry and Richard

Gladys, Granny Thompson, Harold, Ethelyn, Christine (aka Teenie)

Ken, Kenny, Alma holding Keith, and Kevin

Alma (pregnant with Kevin) and Kenny