Are things getting worse?

We are so saddened about the devastation in Japan and I believe that hearing bits and pieces of this may be really stressing Alma out. She loves to watch the news and read the paper and, like all of us, is greatly affected about what she sees and hears. Unfortunately, it is really difficult for her to process that information and therefore it just sits there, stewing with all of the other difficult feelings she is having. I am wondering if it is our responsibility to protect Alma from these types of stimuli. She has always been proud of her knowledge of current events and I hate to take yet another one of her dwindling supply of activities and hobbies.

When I last posted, I commented about Alma’s upbeat mood. She did have a nice couple of days and then things went downhill pretty fast. I haven't had a moment to write because of all of the energy it's taken trying to keep Alma somewhat at peace.

It all started Friday with some extreme mood swings. This was probably to worst day so far. Alma has a tendency towards depression and rarely expresses anger outwards. Perhaps, the news of the tragedy in Japan was too much for her. Whatever it was, it came out extreme and quite harsh. We spent the morning running errands with my oldest daughter, Kaiya. Usually being out and having Kaiya around cheers Alma up. By the time we got home around noon, she was pretty disoriented and had a really hard time figuring out who I was. It was so odd because she knew my name. However, she assumed that she had just met me. She was very confused as to what my role is in her life. By the end of the day, she was angry and really acting out. As I was getting ready to leave with Keith for a rare night out (we had someone sitting with her), I asked her if she was okay and she sternly replied, “I am, but I don’t know what your problem is?”

So what would be the logical thing to do with someone inflicted with dementia that had a really bad day? It probably would not be to get up the next morning and take her downtown to where there are thousands of people who began drinking at noon to watch the annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade. It definitely wouldn’t be the intelligent thing to take this angry and disoriented person into the most concentrated part of the festivities; a place where people with really poor judgment decided it would be a great place to take their Pit Bull and chain smoke while ignoring their toddler as they tried to climb the obviously out of control animal while trying in vain to catch a glimpse of a leprechaun. Apparently, I wasn’t using great judgment myself when I came up with the idea to distract Alma with a harmless little parade with thousands of drunken spectators. Bad, bad idea.

On Sunday, the effects of my poor judgment became obvious as Alma’s frustration seemed to grow greater. Even with a lot of one on one time including a three mile walk and several hours spent out in the yard, she had no idea who I was other than my name and the fact that I kept telling her I was married to her son. She couldn’t figure out which one because she told me she had six or eight sons. She did not recognize Wrenna and I’m not sure she recognized Keith either. She told me I was keeping her from all of her friends and she just wanted to go home. She asked me, “What kind of nursing home is this anyway?”. I can only assume she wanted to know where the other “residents” live.  In light of her disoriented state, I finally surrendered to the fact that sometimes a calm Sunday at home is what is in her best interest and am proud to say that I refrained from taking her to roller derby that afternoon.

I am pleased to report that while today has been pretty hard (she was fixated on the fact that “someone” chastised her for leaving tissues everywhere and that I don’t want her here so she should “go now”), she knew who I was and why she was with us. While I know the behavior over the three last days is just a small glimpse into what the future holds here, I do not regret for a second our decision to have Alma live with us. As hard as this is, recent events remind me of how precious life is and what little time we have together. Not only am I appreciative for this time with Alma, I am grateful for the richness this experience brings to my entire family. This is my anchor when frustration sets in. That and roller derby when I can find someone to hang out with Alma.