Swim Meets, Ceremonies and Our Busy Lives

The last week has been full of events for our family. Most of these special occasions occurred in the evening and the fact that Alma prefers to go to bed between 4pm and 6pm has made her routine difficult. Because she is such an easy going individual, everything went as planned and we made it to all of our events without incident.

It's amazing how much our lives have changed in the last several months since she has been living with us. We didn't really consider how difficult it would be just going out for dinner after a softball game or simply going to a party. Alma has always stated that she really doesn't care for socializing and we have had to adjust our social lives accordingly. She is easily overwhelmed in a crowd and was especially stressed out at our daughter's eighth grade "graduation" where 158 families were packed in an auditorium designed to seat no more than 400 people. She completely shuts down when faced with too much stimuli and becomes almost immobile. Her brain just doesn't seem to be able to tell her body where to go next. I have no idea what people must perceive as they see us leading a perfectly normal looking adult woman through a crowd like a toddler.

Another challenge is that both of our children are on a swim team together. Part of being on the team is a commitment from parents to volunteer to do various jobs to keep things running smoothly (the only paid workers are coaches). Even though I have expressed to organizers that one of us has to constantly supervise Alma, people just don't seem to understand. They look at her and talk with her and she presents very well. However, the moment she is left alone, it seems that she forgets where she is and many times will become confused and wander. The fact that Keith and I have always been willing to do more than our share at these swim meets has inspired organizers to always want to grab one of us to fill in when there’s a need. Last night was no exception. Keith was busy doing his part as a parent volunteer and I was hanging out with Alma watching my girls swim when a coach grabbed me to help time while one of the scheduled timers went to swim in their heat. I am usually more than happy to help out but when I said I needed to stay with Alma, she gave me an exasperated look and I caved. I took Alma over to sit near Keith and went down to time for what was supposed to be five minutes. After 25 minutes, I explained to my partner that someone was going to have to take over and she responded curtly, “She will be right back! She is swimming!”. The "swimmer" had actually been finished swimming for fifteen minutes and was nowhere in sight. By the time she came back, I was pretty irritated and frustrated and more than likely, it showed. The point here is that it seems I have been presented an opportunity to maintain better boundaries than I have in the past. It seems that my need to do everything for everyone is being overshadowed by the great responsibility that I have signed up for and that is not a bad thing at all. For a long time I have needed to know when to say when and our situation here makes it impossible to avoid. Thus, we have another example of the way that Alma has had a positive impact on our lives by being with us.  I wish I could somehow make her understand this but since I can’t, I will use this opportunity to say thank you, Alma.