Some history

Disclaimer: this is going to be a quick post. I have a rare morning to myself thanks to Kaiya (she is so awesome!) and want to take advantage of a beautiful day. I also want to warn those who may be close to Alma that I am going to share some history that Alma shared with me on our walk this morning. I feel that it is really important to share her story.

Yesterday was a rough day. I started writing about it and the negativity was so evident that I am refraining from posting what I wrote. Finally, after a long and emotional day, I allowed Keith to take over and simply left the house for a while (Thanks Robin for going for a walk with me. You are the best). However, Alma became restless in the middle of the night and started pacing the hall and going in and out of her bedroom and bathroom. This morning I was feeling pretty frustrated by the time we left for our walk and I'm sure Alma picked up on that.

There is something so therapeutic about walking outdoors in the spring. Thus, Alma began to talk about her childhood. She began with "my daddy was an alcoholic and used to beat my mother" but went further today. She shared that her mother took a lot of her anger out on her. I've heard stories about rose switches and her mother getting angry but I'd never heard about her mother kicking her out of the house for the night. She said she was only seven and had to spend the night outside with no blankets. She talked about the way her father would beat her mother if he caught her being mean to Alma. Alma said that only made things worse and her mother took it out on her even more; calling her names and shaming her in front of others. She said her mother kicked her out multiple times and she would often go to her Aunt Teenie's (pictured below) home but felt guilty about going there too much. She didn't want to "put anyone out".

It is so evident to me that Alma has never had the opportunity to work through her painful childhood and that pain comes through more and more lately. Even though I spent several years working with women and children living in family violence, it never ceases to amaze me how perpetual that cycle can be. Alma often acts out with her won brand of anger and resentment that comes out in the most passive ways (other times more outright). I understand there is very little I can do for her as far as healing goes and as I write this I am reminded that the best thing to do is just continue being supportive. I would like to acknowledge that there is no way I could do that if I did not have such incredible people in my life who keep me grounded. I suppose I'll end on that sappy note.